


Haruno Sakura Gets Fucking Poisoned

by whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating



Category: Naruto
Genre: Coffee, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 12:26:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating/pseuds/whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating
Summary: A friend gave me the prompt "Haruno Sakura tries coffee and fucking hates it" and shit got weird.





	Haruno Sakura Gets Fucking Poisoned

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Azzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azzy/gifts).



Sakura warily eyed the glass Naruto had just set in front of her. The coffee in the cup swirled slowly, a gentle aroma wafting into the air in a cloud of steam. As she watched, Naruto dumped at _least_ a full cup of cream in, followed by a heaping spoon of sugar.  
As far as she knew, it could be _poison._  
“It’s good! Trust me,” Naruto insisted, pushing the cup further towards Sakura’s side of the table. “I really think you’ll like it.”  
Sakura let out a heavy sigh, gingerly taking the cup in her hands. “You’re _sure_ this isn’t poison?”  
“Yes, I’m sure. One hundred percent.”  
Sakura still wasn’t _totally_ convinced; but she trusted Naruto. Although, admittedly, the smell of the coffee was making her sick. She hesitated a moment longer, but, upon seeing the expectant look on her companion’s face, relented, and took a slow sip.  
She spat it out almost immediately. “UGH!”  
Naruto covered his mouth to stifle a laugh. “Okay; okay. Maybe I overdid it on the sugar.”  
“You’re damn right you did.” Sakura groaned, setting the cup back down harshly. “That’s gotta be enough to kill a fucking toddler.”  
Naruto stood and poured her another cup, this time being careful not to add too much of the sweeteners; just because he had the sweet tooth of a five year old didn’t mean Sakura did. Obviously.  
After he finished, he slid the new cup across the table. “Okay. Try it again. I promise, if you still don’t like it, I won’t make you try again.” Sakura eyed him suspiciously, but wrapped her hands around the mug and lifted it to her lips. Once again, the smell made her gag; but, as ninjas are not pussies, she held it in.  
She didn’t hesitate this time; she took a full swig, choking it down with a grimace; and then it began.  
Her stomach cramped sharply, as if she had just taken a full-power punch to the gut. Her hands and forehead broke out in a cold sweat, and her vision swam. Naruto’s eyes widened as Sakura paled and began to sway in her seat. The glass shattered on the floor as she fell to her side, and then everything turned black.  
She awoke on the couch, a cold washcloth resting on her forehead. Naruto sat on the coffee table, watching her nervously. As she sat up with a soft groan, the blond perked up. “Oh, thank fuck. I thought I _killed_ you.” Sakura shot him a harsh glare, and he shrunk in on himself sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”  
Without a word, Sakura slowly laid back down on the couch.

That night, Kakashi slowly pushed Naruto’s kitchen window open and rolled inside, just as he'd been doing for the past two weeks. Quickly, his footfalls nearly silent on the hardwood floors, he crossed over to the jar of coffee grounds Naruto kept on his counter, and pulled out a small pouch; comprised of a mix of cigarette ashes and dog hair; from his pocket. Quick as a flash, he dumped it inside and gave the jar a good shake. “Take that, you erotica-ruining little shit.” He grumbled as he tiptoed back to the window; and just as quickly as he came, he slipped back into the night.


End file.
